They Say Don't judge a book by its cover
But in this day and age it is easier said than done.
The story behind the cover of the person is what creates the content of the character however.
When we get to know people under the surface, we can build stronger interactions, connections & communication.
In this article, I wanted to highlight how we can lead our lives from a space where we are less judgemental & more introspective towards others & their individual stories. This way of being ultimately improves our communication and interactions.
Methods
I have (3) methods to share about connecting with our fellow humans and how we can use these strategies for good.
The outcome can make our human experience better and potentially uplift or impact the lives of others as well.
(Luckily for everyone These 3 methods are already built within.) And these 3 connection strategies are through the
Eyes
Ears
Mouth
-(The way we connect with our eyes)
- (The way we listen with our ears )
- (The way we use expression or feedback with our words.)
Eyes:
They do say the eyes can be a window to the soul…
But why is that?
We are biologically wired for eye contact and have been so since the beginning of time.
Eye contact has always been a form of unspoken communication.
Its 2024 however
It is easier to pretend to look at your phone screen than it is to interact with strangers as you walk down the aisle at a grocery store.
Anyone ever guilty?
The repetition of disconnection can stack up and become normal.
Especially for younger generations.
Avoiding eye contact decreases our physical presence in the moment;
And this decreases the ability we have to make genuine connections.
The flipside ; Practicing eye contact is one of the easiest and simple ways to
-Convey respect -compassion and empathy, trust and confidence
It can simply Help a person feel seen - and not judged.
{ A BBC article By Christian Jarrett “Why meeting another’s gaze is so powerful” published January 8, 2019}
References a field study from a US college campus. They found that making eye contact with strangers leaves us feeling more socially connected ; whereas if someone avoids our gaze, we are more likely to feel disconnected and invisible.
It helps the humanness below the surface shine, even if it is just a momentary connection. Eye contact conveys awareness and is just something missing more with the prevalence of technology around us all the time.
EARS
Moving past the connection we can create with our eyes,
How about the connection we can create with our ears?
Through Listening
To be heard can be more impactful than being seen.
When a person is given the opportunity to be heard;
doors open up for them.
Insight can be learned or gained.
Wisdom can be passed along.
It can truly change someone’s life to have an ear that will listen.
Think about how an older person lights up from having someone to talk to when they are most of the time all alone at home.
By being an active listener you help you build stronger relationships and better understanding of other individuals.
Just by providing a listening ear.
Both of my grandmas have passed on, but gosh, what I would do to just have one more afternoon with them; to listen.
I know my grandma Mary cherished when I would visit and she could talk to me about stories. Her stories. And these are the stories that are worth a million dollars to me now.
In the act of listening you provide the other person the room to speak ; but you never know when that moment of listening could become your most cherished gift.
Listening can be a gift for others because it shows you care; but it can also be a gift for yourself from what you gain from the conversation and connection.
MOUTH
The power of a smile is something that can transcend language barriers. It is also a good thing for the body as it releases endorphins and continues to make us feel good. Less stressed and more at ease.
Smiling is a simple but very powerful act of kindness and is a welcoming gesture.
It can often even have a contagious effect. How can you be the leader and spread more positivity by smiling more often at people around you?
What about when we go beyond the smile, how can we use our words to bring positivity into the world and our interaction?
You may consider the way we choose to speak and interact : The power of a "Hi, how are you" can truly go a long way.
If you want to go further than how are you ; you could ask a question that helps you break the ice and go deeper than the surface level.
As Alyce Blum has said “ask thoughtful questions so that others can share their stories with the world”
Each person has their own unique story under the surface that helps us connect with them better.
The Message:
The next time you encounter a stranger or even someone you love ;
consider the simple ways that you can improve your connection and communication with them.
Find out what the powers of looking, listening, smiling and speaking can do for you and for the others around you.
Thank you for reading!
Go out into the world as a leader who knows how to communicate and connect with ease.
Check out the Video on Youtube and Subscribe.
In person presentation delivered 1/25/24. Cherry Creek Toastmasters International speech contest.
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